We are usually happy when we hear the news that we are going to be parents but we are never fully prepared for what we might face. We plan for our children before even they are born on the kind of people we want them to be. We even chose for them the people they are going to associate with. This is not a bad thing but our children are born with a mind and personality of their own. This is to say that our children are likely to choose their own path that is different from what we want for them. We may think that we are the ones to blame because of maybe the parenting style we used earlier on in their life but we should also consider that our children are unique people from us. In this article, we will have an overview of how to raise a rebellious child.
It is the most heart breaking moment when you tell your child to do something and they refuse outright or indirectly. When your child acts in a rebellious way there is always a reason behind the behaviour and this may include seeking attention, frustration, or even testing your limits. Getting time to understand your child and know why they are behaving in a rebellious way is a breakthrough towards the solution. There are also other disorders that can make your child act out this way such as Oppositional Defiance Disorder or other emotional related disorder.
Your children need to be aware of your family rules and what you expect of them. This way you can hold them accountable for their actions without them having a feeling that they are being treated unfairly. Family rules are best introduced to your children when they are in good terms with you and not after an argument or incident. When telling them your rules observe their reaction and see if they are comfortable with them. Let them give their views and be open to incorporate some of their views. Involving them in the rule making will reduce their chances of being rebellious. Spell out age appropriate behaviours that you will tolerate and the ones that you will not tolerate and will have consequences. When you experience your child misbehaving it is not recommended that you react at once but inform them that you do not approve of the behaviour and they will face consequences for it at a later time. This period gives you time to calm down because disciplining your child when you are angry you are also likely to make some mistakes. It also gives your child time to calm and reflect on their poor decisions. Be sure to make your child accountable for their behaviour because when you give empty threats they are likely to get used to it.
Your children need to know who the parent is and who the child is. As a parent you have to be a dictator at times though not all the time. This will help you retain your power as a parent and makes it easier for you to tell your children what to do. When you engage yourself in an argument with your child you are actually giving them power. Your child will have a perception that you are equal and this may make it had for you to control them when they act in a rebellious manner. Withdraw yourself calmly from a power struggle and tell your child what the consequences will be when they do not do what you say. When you do that and leave you are taking the power with you and your child regardless of how sad they are they will be obligated to comply. When your child is old enough to understand the consequences of their actions then you are in a position to maintain consistency on the type of behaviours that you can tolerate. When your child throws in some rebellious behaviour and you do not enforce the consequences then they may get used to it. Do not bargain with your child or give them gifts to behave better because when you do that the next time you do not give them a gift you are in for a rebellion treat.
Parenting is demanding as it is already and when you engage in everything then it becomes more tiresome. How you spend your energy will determine how you will raise your children because it needs energy. It will be very difficult to change your child’s mind when you have not changed your attitude as a parent. It is almost impossible to make your child happy every day and at the same time instil good behaviours in them. Disciplining can be said to be the hardest part of parenting since you intentionally make your child sad or mad at you by telling them what to do or making them accountable for their actions. It is good to choose your battles wisely with your child because some behaviours are not tolerated but they are harmless thus you can turn a blind eye on them. Things that will not affect your child’s or other people’s life in the long run there is no harm in letting them proceed with it.
Our children do not like to be punished or forced to be accountable for their wrong decisions. Children can be rebellious when they think that the punishment you are giving them is unfair. Give age appropriate consequences to the wrong actions that your child makes. Inform them why you are disciplining them when you make them face the consequence so that they know why they are being punished. Building on the positive actions will make your child more determined to do the right thing. Praise them when they portray positive behaviour or when you notice they are trying. When they are making an effort and they do not do exactly what you want encourage them because critic or punishing them will kill their morale and you will have the rebellious child that you were trying to reform.
Our children look up to us as their first role models and they try as much as they can to emulate what we do. When we are telling our children to behave in a certain way and they are rebellious it is maybe they are emulating what we are portraying to them. Raise your child the best way you think it is possible for them to be the best people they can be in future.